phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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