I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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