the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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