Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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