Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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