Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
