Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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