Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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