i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are we still banned from the library?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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