can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
