omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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