Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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