The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
