I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
