Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
pray to the hookup gods
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
