I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
