I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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