What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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