Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
