Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
