i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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