You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
