Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
