was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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