Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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