I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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