My sheets look like a crime scene.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
