I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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