got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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