im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
