It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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