My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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