I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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