Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
