Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
