just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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