I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
