I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
