there's paper in my vomit.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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