I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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