How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
