you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
