well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
