You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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