Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
