I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
