hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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