and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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