I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
