The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Welp...herpes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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