Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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