HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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