I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
