I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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