Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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