He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
