so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
