I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
