You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
