I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
