google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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