Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
