I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
