you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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