Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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