Im at strip club and am horny
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There r osticjed everywhere
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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