idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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