I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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