Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
