Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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